I Am Passionately Proud of My Profession

I wrote this article for Day One of the Tarrant County Family Law Bar Association's commitment to spend thirty days focusing on the Texas Lawyer's Creed. 

I am proud to be a lawyer. I worked hard for my degrees and licenses that allow me to practice law in the State of Texas, but more importantly, I am proud of the work I do as a Texas attorney.
When a member of my profession does wrong, it is headline grabbing news. There was a story recently about a greedy attorney who stole millions from disabled veterans. What did not make headlines are the free legal clinics all around the State of Texas that help veterans. Texas attorneys take time out of their schedule and help veterans free of charge. It was one such attorney that helped expose the one bad attorney. You will never see a headline that says “Attorney Writes Free Will for Veteran” or “Attorney Helps Keep Veteran from Losing His Home.” Yet more attorneys do such work than the one bad attorney who did so much harm.

I am proud of the work my fellow family law attorneys did when the State removed the children from the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints (FDLS) a few years ago. The State needed to appoint attorneys to represent the children and parents in this dispute. Hundreds of attorneys throughout Texas volunteered their time. Children were placed across Texas. My friends were driving cities such as Midland and San Antonio to see the children they were appointed to represent. They took this seriously. Many had nightmares and spent many sleepless nights thinking of these children imploding in foster care as they were placed in homes so foreign to their upbringing. 

I am proud of my friend who protected a battered woman who had her children removed by child protective services because she was a battered wife. Child Protective Services actually stated that as the reason the children were removed. Rather than try to help her out of her circumstances, they took her children and had a plan for adoption. He was able to get her children back. Another fought for a woman accused of breaking her child’s bones. He was able to prove it was, in fact, the baby sitter. The baby sitter was prosecuted. He fought to have the children returned to their mother.

We do get our small the occasional “thank you” that makes it all worth it. An attorney friend of mine was shopping when his client stopped him and introduced him to children as “the lawyer who helped make it to where you could live with me.” When both children walked up and hugged the crusty old lawyer, he welled up in tears. I had a similar experience as I helped a Sailor who lived in Virginia obtain custody of his son from a drug addicted mother. I stood back as the child was handed over to him. The pleasure in watching the little boy and the young sailor hug and walk away was the best compensation I could have received for my work.

The vast majority of Texas attorneys work hard every day. We win small victories that will never grab a headline, but they make a difference in the lives of the individuals we touch. For every attorney there are dozens of stories such as these. Stories you will never hear. I am very proud of my fellow attorneys and of the work we do.

Adult Children of Divorce

We often think of the minor children of divorce, but we rarely think of the adult children of divorce.  I had a case involving a 15 year old child where the other side actually said that the parents only have to deal with each other for another three years.

When you become a parent, you become a parent for life.  You don't stop being a parent when that child becomes an adult.  I have watched in sadness when a young couple is scheduling times for the parents to see the child without running into each other.  This poor young couple should be experiencing the happiest moment in their life.  Their complete and utter focus should be on the beautiful new life being brought into this world. Instead, they are focusing on making sure their divorced parents are not running into each other and making a scene.

Worse still are the uncomfortable situations where the ex-spouses see each other for the first time in years at this blessed event.  The poor mother that just gave birth should be in euphoria, but she is on pins and needles as the two people who should be her support are creating unbelievable tension.

This situation also plays out at weddings, funerals and other events where families come together.

Parents chose each other to be the parents of this child.  They are the parents of this child for life.  The child did not make the bad choices, the parents did.

The most important thing to remember about adult children of divorce, is that they are adults.  They can choose not to invite their parents to see the grandchildren if the parents make family gatherings uncomfortable and hurt filled situations.

Divorced couples are not hurting their ex-spouse by not moving on.  They are hurting themselves, they are hurting their children and their grandchildren.

Parenting is a forever commitment to give up part of yourself for your child.  It does not end when your child is an adult.